Amestris Alchemy Academy
by manga-neko-96
Summary: Ed and Al have to return to school after gaining back their bodies. Al wants to experience the childhood he never enjoyed, and Ed just wants to get the hell out of there! Ed regains his alchemy, but the two can't let anyone know that their are in the military. What could possibly be in store for the two brothers? Hilarity ensues! Rated T to be safe. R&R! Suggestions welcome!
1. The First Day

Amestris Alchemy Academy

Chapter 1: The First Day

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fic! I hope you like it! :3 Edited 7-21-13**

Disclaimer: Hey! Guess what? I don't own FMA! I know, hard to believe right?

Roy Mustang looked at the clock knowing any minute, he would have to deal with the Elric brothers, specifically Ed. He just sent the new assignment to them that morning, and the peaceful atmosphere would soon be filled with that runt's shouting. He got a headache just thinking about it. Sure enough, the thundering footsteps were a dead give away of what was about to commence.

-Ed POV-

That freaking bastard! He's really done it now! He better have a good reason for this "assignment" or Central HQ was about to be remodeled. He kicked the door open and ran up to the Colonial's desk. "Colonial Bastard! What the HELL are you trying to pull?"

"Ah, Fullmetal. I see you and Alphonse have arrived. That is I see Alphonse has come, but I can only hear a shrimp like you." I wasn't going to take this from that shitty bastard! "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE CAN'T EVEN RIDE A ROLLAR COASTER BUILT FOR MICROORGANISMS!?" He smirked making me even angrier! "Listen you! I want to know who's idea of a joke this assignment was! Al and I have proven ourselves more than capable! I succeeded in getting his body back, didn't I? And I may only be 16, but I am still considered an adult in the eyes of the military."

"Fullmetal, trust me, I know what you are capable of. I was there on the day you returned Al to his body. It has been 6 months, and everything is returning to normal. And you are still technically underage." "But that doesn't mean you have to send us there!" "Fullmetal! You and Alphonse are required by law to go to school!"

"Brother, I actually don't think it is such a bad idea. I kind of want to go back to school. We never did get to fully experience our childhood." Al was right. It wasn't fair to him that he was stuck in a suit of armor for four years of his life. "Fine, I'll consider it, but only for AL!" Roy smirked. "Actually, I have a deal for you."

~o~

"Brother, isn't this great?!" We finally can experience part of a normal childhood, and you can get your alchemy back!" I couldn't disagree with Al on that. That Bastard actually had something useful to offer. He said that he had found a way to return his alchemy. If we went to school, I could finally have my alchemy back.

"Al, that will make it worth going to high school."

"Ed, remember, I am only 15. I am still going to be in middle school as a 9th grader." Damn, I forgot! The one thing that couldn't be changed, our ages."Don't worry! You'll make lots of new friends! Anyone would be lucky to be friends with you!"

"Thanks Al. Same to you, people like you way more anyway. The only other thing I am pissed about is the fact that we have to wear uniforms."

-Al POV-

I am so excited to be able to go to school. Ed never did like going, but I think he needs to learn to be more social. I finally feel like a normal kid, getting to go back to school is something I always secretly hoped for! "Brother! You're going to get your alchemy back today!"

"Yeah, hopefully it works." I know losing his alchemy has been really hard on Ed, so I am glad he will finally have it back.

"The only thing is we have to register for school afterwards and get fitted for uniforms! I did not want to plan my Sunday doing this shit! An then we have to start school tomorrow! Damn! Don't I ever get a break?" I felt kind of guilty.

"Brother... are you mad at me?" Ed looked stunned.

"Of course not Al! I want to do anything to make up for those four long years!"

"Well then can you please just give it a try? For me?" Ed closed his eyes. "Fine, but only because you want to so much." We walked into the hospital and met with Col. Mustang.

-Ed POV-

I sat on a hospital bed, waiting for this to be over with already. Damn! I really hate hospitals! Almost as much as milk! "Alright Fullmetal, here is what you need to do to gain your alchemy back."He set down a bottle of white liquid. "Drink up."

I narrowed my eyes. "What is the meaning of this Bastard? I AIN'T DRINKING ANY MILK! THAT HELL LIQUID IS MILKED FROM COWS BY SATAN HIMSELF! I WILL NOT DRINK IT!"

"Listen Fullmetal, you have to drink it. It's either that or you will get even shorter." I paled at the thought. There is no way I can give up my height. NO WAY!

"FINE! Stupid milk and stupid Truth. Next time I see- Wait, how do you even know this?" Roy smirked.

"Truth told me." That was the last answer I expected. "He thought it would be amusing." That sounds more like the little white prick. He better hope he never sees me again. So help me I will do unspeakable things that make Father's punishment seem like a day at the beach.

-Al POV-

Whatever they did to Ed, he looked like he truly went to hell and back. "What did you have to do, brother?"

"I don't want to talk about it." What could be so horrible that he couldn't stand to recall it?

"Did you at least gain your alchemy back?"

"Yeah, I got it. I had to earn every last bit of it too." A chill ran down my spine.

"Um, we have to head to the school now."

"This day just keeps getting worse."

Ed obviously doesn't want to talk. I instead focus my attention on the large building that is our new school. The school itself is two stories high and is red brick. There are two windows for every classroom, and the windows have cream colored shutters. The roof is black shingles and makes a triangle shape, as opposed to the usual flat building tops we see in central. Vines of ivy climb the exterior of the building and small bushes surroung the perimeter. A small pathway leading to the front doors from the iron gate has a flagpole in the middle in front of the door. It looks a lot more like a big house than a school, and I love it! It's almost like we are in a seperate world from Central.

I saw Col. Mustang and we met him in front of the entrance. "I registered you to attend. All you have to do now is pick up your uniforms and take the placement test." Ed groaned.

"Do we have to take the placement test? We are going to get perfect scores anyway." Mustang looked like he was one comment away from turning Ed into a pile of ashes.

"Fullmetal, I know this will be very easy, but it is required. Just cooperate this once and try not to make too much trouble."

"Don't worry Colonel! I'll keep Ed in line." Ed muttered something that would be best not to repeat. "Brother... did you have to go that far? Let's just get it over with." The two boys walked into the school office, recieved their tests, and went into an empty classroom and started writing.

-Ed POV-

That lady at the desk was shocked when we turned our tests in 15 minutes later. "You do realize you still have another hour and a half to work, right?"

"Yes, I am well aware of the rules." I was very annoyed with her insult to my intelligence. I just wish I had a camera because when the tests both came out with perfect scores, the look on her face was priceless.

"Y-you can go next door to pick up your uniforms." I smirked.

"Thanks lady." Al and I made our way to the next room.

"Brother! You shouldn't speak to the adults here like that!" I haven't treated authority members with respect before, and I'm not about to start now.

"Alphonse, that lady underestimated me. I had to show her what level I am at currently. No one messes with the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Brother! Be quiet! We aren't supposed to tell others about our military connections." I sighed. It sure is annoying having to act like a regular 16 year old. Another lady handed us our uniforms and we started home.

~o~

That night we tried our uniforms on. "Hell no! I am not wearing this!"

"Brother, you look fine." My uniform consisted of black pants, a long sleeve white button-down shirt, a red tie, and a gold blazer.

"I look like a pansy! This thing screams 'beat me up now!'"

"All the high schoolers wear that uniform." I muttered my personal opinion of where I would put this uniform.

"Ed! I really don't want to hear it!" Al's uniform was not as bad as mine. He wore khaki pants and an identical shirt and tie. He wore a black jacket similar to the one I usually wear.

"You aren't upset because you actually look normal in your uniform! I'm going to get mugged if I walk out dressed like this in public!" However, if anyone tried, I could tear them apart in "self-defense."

"Ed it's not that bad. Just go to bed, we have to get up early." I am soooo not looking forward to tomorrow.

~o~

-Normal POV-

Two girls walked down the street chatting about the news their teachers told them. "I heard we are both getting two new students," the older said to her younger friend.

"I hope he is nice," the younger said blushing.

"This is good practice for you! You are so shy, and I am sure he is nice!" The two stopped when they saw two boys walking ahead of them.

"Oh. My. Gosh! Look at those guys! They must be the new students! There is a high schooler and a middle schooler. Hello there!" The two boys turned around. The shorter one smiled.

"Hello! Are you in my class?" he cheerfully asked the shy girl.

"Y-yes," she said, burying her face in her hands. Al was confused.

"You are in my class," the older girl told Ed. "If you need anything feel free to ask." "Umm, okay," Ed said also confused. The two girls giggled and scurried into the school building. "Oh my gosh! The new guys are HOT!" Ed and Al just looked at each other.

"Those two girls were weird."

"You said it, Al."

-Al POV-

"Ed, I have to go to the middle school wing. Good luck in your classes, and try not to get anyone sent to the hospital."

"No promises."

"Brother..." I glared at him.

"Fine! I won't hurt anyone!" Al smiled.

"Good that's what I want to hear." I watched Ed head up the stairs to the second floor where all the high school classes are located. It looks like I am in homeroom C-3. I walk down the hall until I find the right room. I walk in and take my seat. There are other kids all talking with their friends or rushing to do the homework due the next period. The boys all have the same uniform as me, and the girls wear gold skirts instead of khaki pants. Their ties are red ribbons instead of a tie. I recognize one girl from this morning talking to her friends. When she sees me, she waves and her friends look and wave too.

Everyone scrambled to their seats as the teacher walked into the room. "Good morning," he said, "it looks like we have a new student joining our class. Why don't you come up and introduce yourself." I stood up and walked to the front of the room. Their stares made me nervous. I was used to people staring at me because of the armor, but now I have my body back and felt uncomfortable.

"My name is Alphonse Elric. I have an older brother in 10th grade, Edward. My hometown is Resembool, but over the past four years, I traveled all over Amestris with Edward. I like learning about alchemy, eating all sorts of food, and traveling with my brother. I love kitties, but haven't ever been able to keep one. I hope to learn a lot here and make lots of friends." He sat down and everyone smiled at him. _That wasn't so bad._

-Ed POV-

I am pissed off with this school already. They separated Al and me! I walked down the hallway filled with other students, and I am even more pissed when I see that most of the guys are taller than me. At least nobody has made fun of my height. I look around at the others. The girls will look over at me and then quickly turn away and giggle with their friends. Do all girls do that or are they just crazy? Their uniform is similar to mine, except with a black skirt and a red ribbon instead of black pants and red ties. Their skirts are really short! It reminds me of a certain Flame Bastard who would be in heaven. He would probably model the female uniform for the government after these. Hawkeye would most likely shoot him before it could happen, though. The thought almost makes me laugh out loud. The other guys glare at me and I give them a look that says "don't mess with me." That seems to put them in their place. I refuse to be treated the way Mustang treats me. I am a major in the military, and I am not about to let some idiot kids push me around.

I walk into room A-1 and take a seat. School seems pointless already, and I've only been here seven minutes! The teacher comes in and everyone takes their seats. "Class, we have a new student. Come up here and tell us about yourself." Damn! Why do all adults insist on making new students look like idiots by forcing them to tell their whole life story to classmates that are half-asleep. I groan and walk to the front of the room.

"My name is Edward Elric. I am 16 years old." I stared at the teacher.

"Well, does anyone have any questions for Mr. Elric?" A few girls raised their hands.

"Where did you live before?" one girl asked.

"Resembool."

"Oh! With your family?" Ed's face darkened.

"My parents are dead. I watched my mom die when I was five. My little brother is the only family I have left."The girl gave me a sad look. Damn, I hate it when people pity me! This isn't getting any better. Mustang is going to pay for this.

"Do you know anything about alchemy?" another girl asked. I think I saw her this morning, she was the creepy one with her weird friend.

"I studied alchemy for 12 years, so I am pretty good." That got everyone's attention.

"Do you have any interests?" I thought for a moment about what I could say that would be some "normal" interests.

"I like alchemy, reading, and learning about the world. I often go to the library and research different topics." I heard some boys in the back corner of the room snicker at this. "I also practice sparring with my brother and am experienced in martial arts and hand to hand combat." I looked at the teacher again.

"Um... okay, class get ready for your next period." I picked up my books, grateful to get out of there, and started to leave.

"Hey, pretty boy!" The idiots from earlier were picking a fight. I glare at them. They are making a BIG mistake.

"What?" You seem to be pretty confident for a shrimp." I felt my anger rising. They definitely have hell to pay.

"Who are you calling SO TINY THAT A FLEA WOULD NEED A MICROSCOPE FUST TO FIND HIM?!" They laughed at that. "After school I will teach you a lesson in pain! Then we'll see who the weak one really is!" The leader grinned.

"I accept your challenge. With that scrawny body, I hope I don't crush you too badly!" I started to calm down, and realized I did exactly what Al asked me not to do. _Damn! What have I gotten myself into?_

**A/N: This is the longest chapter I have ever written! It's almost 3,000 words! It was really hard to write, but I hope I did a good job! I love stories about Ed and Al in school! Also, I made up the part about milk restoring Ed's alchemy, and I know it was really stupid! I just wanted the least expected way for him to achieve it! Plus it was the classic showdown of Edward vs Milk! Poor Al! Ed has left what happened to his imagination, he probably thinks Ed had to to watch a kitten being tortured or something. Anyway, I love the part about Ed thinking of Mustang when he sees the girls' uniform. MINI-SKIRTS ^-^  
Hope you enjoy! Please Read and Review!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	2. Ed Teaches

Chapter 2

Edward Teaches

_Edited: 7-21-13_

Disclaimer: FMA and I have no sort of relationship in which one owns the other. The only owning going on is Edward owning naive idiots and Alphonse wanting to own every stray cat he finds. (ASPCA's dream client! :3)

I walked to the lunchroom trying to keep my anger under control. That arrogant bastard is going to pay! Even if I can't use my alchemy, I can still get the point across by pounding his face in. I spot Alphonse at a table and join him. "I hope the food here is better than what the military serves."

"Edward, not too loud! It supposed to be a secret." I shrugged and started eating. Al and I were talking about how easy the classes were when the bastard from before walked towards me. Damn! Yet another problem I have to deal with.

"Hey pipsqueak!" I felt my temper rise as I heard a familiar bastard's voice.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO RIDE A WATER FLEA?!" I was on my feet, ready to kick his ass.

"Isn't it obvious?" I was seething with rage now. I'm going to make it so he'll sing soprano for the rest of his life.

"Brother, don't fight. You promised you wouldn't." I looked at Al with a 'please let me bash his face in at least once' expression, but to no avail. I sighed and sat back down. I couldn't upset Alphonse after what he suffered through for 4 years. "I'm sorry about Ed's behavior. He doesn't take too kindly to strangers." I glared at Al, but got up and walked to my next class anyway.

What I didn't hear was the new plan the bastard was forming. "So that's his little brother huh... I can use this." He grinned at the sinister thought forming in his head.

* * *

Al POV

The last few classes past by really quickly. I thought brother was going to kill that kid at lunch, but he stayed calm. Ed is really getting better about his temper. I grabbed my books and waited for Ed at the entrance. "Hey kid, come with me for a minute." I look up and see the guy Ed was talking to at lunch.

"Why do you need to see me?" He grinned at this.

"I wanted to make it up to your brother, but he isn't here yet, so I thought I would give it to you instead." I felt uneasy but went along with him anyway. I was a skilled fighter and could take him if I ran into trouble.

Ed POV

Damn teachers! The alchemy teacher had to talk to me after class for preforming alchemy "above my level." I am the freaking Fullmetal Alchemist! I should be teaching the class, not taking it! And changing a desk into a statue isn't hard at all! Damn that stupid teacher...

I looked out the window and saw Al walking into the gym. He must be going there to work out. He only recently has been able to walk without canes. I walk down the stairs and head to the gym. I turn the handle and hear a scream. "EDWARD!"

THOSE DAMN BASTARDS! They have ALPHONSE! My little brother! I whip the door open and my fists clench at what I see. That asshole from earlier has Al restrained by his band of idiots. Al has been hit pretty badly in the face. My rage takes over. They hurt Al. _Alphonse!_ The one who always thinks the best of people. He is my brother! He just became strong enough to walk on his own. They hit Al! THEY HIT AL! **THEY HIT** **AL!** I snapped. "DIE YOU F***ING BASTARDS!" I ran towards them, not caring it was three on one. I usually would allow them to get at least three more people, but I mercilessly beat the shit out of them. "IF YOU _EVER_ COME NEAR MY BROTHER AGAIN I WILL RIP ALL YOUR LIMBS OFF AND WATCH YOU SLOWLY BLEED TO DEATH!"

I helped Al stand and we walked out the door. "Al, what were you thinking!?" He looked down at the ground. "I just wanted you to be able to make some friends..."

"You think _that_ is the sort of **thing** I would want to be friends with? Al, you are too nice, you know that?" He smiled.

"Yeah you're right. Ed, feel free to fight anyone you want. I don't care anymore." That was the best news I heard all day.

* * *

EXTRA

"Alright girls! The first meeting of the Elric Brothers Fan Club (EBFC) will now start! Our mission is to learn everything we can about those two!" The large group of girls split up and waited for the brothers to start walking home. The group in the gym was thrilled when they heard the brothers talking.

"Okay, cameras ready," the leader whispered. They peered from behind the bleachers and saw Edward finish off the group of bullies. He walked over to Al and helped him up._ click click click click click _Dozens of pictures were taken of this rare scene. "Mission complete."

The girls were like female versions of Hughes. They were able to photograph any moment any place. They soon had a collection of hundreds of photos featuring Edward and Alphonse. Yes, just like Hughes... but in miniskirts.

**A/N: This chapter was hard to write! I know it sucks, but I had to write it twice! When I wrote it the first time, it was a lot longer and much better, but my stupid computer crashed and I lost all my work! I had to rewrite it, and got really lazy. Next chapter will be better! I had to include the part at the end^^ Girls that act like Hughes and wear miniskirts! Mustang's number 1 weakness! Please review!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	3. Compromises

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or anything else. Seriously, there are like a million better authors than me on here. If they don't own it, I have a snowball's chance in HELL of owning it!

_Edited: 7-21-13_

Chapter 3: Compromises

"I refuse to go back!"

"Ed, you are being unreasonable. It wasn't that bad-"

"YES IT WAS! They didn't just go after me, they went after you. I can never forgive anyone who would hurt you Al."

"But what does this have to do with going to school?"

"Everything! We are never going back to that hellhole! We are smarter than those stuoid teachers anyway. An I don't like having to deal with those smartass kids!"

Ed and Al had been arguing like this all afternoon. The first day of school had gone... weel, not as well as Al hoped. When Mustang came to check on how the first day had gone, this is what he was met with.

"Fullmetal! Alphonse! What is going on in here?!"

"Ed refuses to go back to school." Mustang looked over at the sulking teen. "Fullmetal, is this true? Why won't you go back? It's for your brother's sake."

"Al is the reason I'm not going back! Bastard, you didn't tell me Al would get hurt! I'm not going back to a place like that."

"Tell me what happened." Ed flopped down on the couch. "Fine." Ed started to tell the story.

-15 minutes later-

"... Wow. All that really happened?"

"Yep."

"And Fullmetal really almost killed that guy? Remind me never to harm you in any way Alphonse."

"Brother, was the chainsaw really necessary?"

"Yes! That's like asking if if suspending his stupid underlings from the ceiling was necessary."

"... I don't remember you telling us that."

"... shit... That's not the point! I will never go back ever! There is nothing you can do or say to make me decide otherwise!"

"Well that's too bad Fullmetal. I came by to tell you Miss Winrey Rockbell is going to start attending starting tomorrow."

"..." Ed thought about it long and hard. He zoned out for almost 20 minutes. Then, he got a strange smile on his face. "Okay! I'll go, but only to protect Al and Winrey." Mustang just smirked at his reaction. "I thought you might change your mind after hearing that. She'll be in all your classes."

Al glared at Mustang. "Colonel, YOU'VE CORRUPTED MY BROTHER!" Mustang chuckled and ruffled Al's hair.

"No, he's like that all on his own. No help from me required." I swat his hand away and try to fix my hair.

"No way! You corrupted Ed with your womanizing ways! I refuse to let Ed become lecherous like you Mustang!" The Colonel smirked.

"What will you do if I don't?" I glared at him with my evil Armor Al eyes. He flinched, but shook it off.

"You don't know how evil I can be. I wonder how Hawkeye will react to your _special book collection_ you keep in your desk?" Mustang paled.

"You wouldn't dare!" Al gave him a look that said 'try me' and followed his brother. "Damn it! I have to find a better hiding place!"

* * *

"Hey Ed!" I smiled when I heard her familiar voice.

"Winry, you made it here safely! It sucks that it has to be for school though."

"I don't know Ed, it might be nice. You know to be a normal teenager..." She blushed at this.

"Ed! Wait for me! Oh hey Winry! You're coming to school today?" Al slowed to a walk matching our pace after catching up.

"Yep! An I heard about your field trip." Ed and Al gave her a confused look. "The field trip to Central HQ? You forgot! You've been a student here longer than I have!"

"HEY! It was only one day!"

"Ed calm down. Winry, are we really going to Central Command? Ed, this could mean trouble."

"What are you talking about Al? Everyone knows me, so they won't try anything stupid."

"But Ed, they don't know you are a student. We are supposed to keep our connection to the military a secret!"

"You're right! But more importantly, there is NO WAY in HELL I am letting that Bastard see me dressed like this!"

**A/N: I'm soooo sorry for not updating! I was running out of ideas when BAM it hit me. Winry needs to go to the same school (to keep Ed under control) and their classes should take a field trip to Central HQ! Whatever happens, it will mean misery for Ed and hilarity for us! HA! I loved putting in the part about Mustang's collection of porn ;p Oh, and for anyone curious about what Ed was thinking about when talking to Roy, I have two words. Winry. Miniskirt. Do the math! Couldn't go into detail because of rating, but Ed is a perv~! (Ed: You're gonna PAY for that!) Well while I try not to get killed by Ed, bye for now! (runs from the demented alchemist)**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	4. Winry

**A/N: Finally! The long awaited chapter has come! Since it has been so long since the last update, I made it extra long! \^o^/ The field trip to Central! What horrors are in store for our favorite chibi alchemist? Read on!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 4: Winery

"Ed! Wake up! We have to get to school early for our field trip." I groaned at the sound of Al's voice cutting into my slumber. Damn, I really don't want to go on this stupid trip. In addition to being bored beyond belief, I also get to make sure no one blows our cover.

"Ed, wake up!" Alphonse opened the door, came in, and ripped the warm blanket off my body. I hissed in distress at the biting cold chill. "Don't make me bring Winery in here." My eyes shot open.

"Don't even joke about that!" Al ran out of the room laughing and dodging the shoe I threw at him in anger. I sighed and started to put on the prison that is a uniform.

I walked down stairs and shoved some toast in my mouth. "Have I mentioned how much I hate these clothes?" Al shook his head.

"Brother, I swear, you are such a mess! At least swallow before talking. An yes, you mention it every ten minutes. Just stop complaining and wear the damn thing!"

"Stupid fucking uniform... When I am done with this torture, I will learn fire alchemy just so I can burn it! BURN it to the ground and DANCE on the ashes!" Al slowly backed away as I continued my daily angst.

* * *

Edward wouldn't survive a week without me. I mean, the day has just begun and he is already ranting like a psycho! It freaks me out... I hope I don't have angst issues in high school. The door opened and Winery stepped inside.

"Winery! You came just in time! It's Ed, he is going through angst. Can you hit him with your wrench?"

She smiled with an evil gleam in her eyes. "Yes, I just got a new wrench I've been itching to ise. It's made with 13.5% more iron and the handle is 5.897% longer, giving me more reach. The head is steel instead of iron, which makes it even harder. The core is infused with titanium, making it lighter weight and easier to swing. Yes, it is the crown jewel of the wrench world!" I chose to ignore Winery's just as creepy obsession with wrenches and pointed her to the kitchen.

Am I really the only sane one? I find it very hard to believe Edward and Winery are both older than me. I sit down and pull out a book, waiting for Ed's punishment to be over.

* * *

As I was going on my usual path of angst, the door to the kitchen bursts open. I am snapped out of my thoughts and see a flash of metal heading straight towards me. "OW! Winery what the HELL!"

She looked at me with an unreadable expression. "Al said you were having issues controlling your ranting." Oh shit. I can't read her at all! I have to remember never to play poker with her. "Ed, I'm actually happy you started ranting this morning."

"You are?" She looked at me with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Yes, I have been waiting to use the newest addition to my collection. My new wrench is made specifically for disciplining uncooperative alchemists." I know whats coming now. I yell for Al before the wrath of the wrench strikes.

* * *

"Win, did you really have to hit so hard?" I looked over at Al, who was reading a book.

"Sorry, I got excited. Here's your brother." I slumped Ed next to Al and started out the door. Al was right behind me, followed by a wet and pissed alchemist.

"ALPHONSE! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!" Al looked over at me grinning. So he woke him with water. Interesting choice. "AL! I've got you now."

"Edward, you will not lay a hand on him." I pulled out my wrench and Ed shrank in fear. It was good to have power. "It's great we all get to go to school together again," I said changing the subject.

"Yeah, Brother and I get to spend time with kids our own age. We also get to go to Central. I wonder what everyone will think when they see Ed..." I picture it in my head. Edward, the Fullmetal Alchemist, showing p at Central in a tie and blazer. The mocking would last for weeks.

I giggle. "It won't be too bad as long as we stay away from Hughes." I skipped ahead. "Besides, it'll be fun to just relax, you know? Not having to fight for our lives is a nice change."

"I don't see the point! It is so boring, and I have to wear this damn torture device!" Ed is such a downer. There must be something he likes. The weather is nice with a warm breeze, the birds are singing, and everything is back to normal. At least, as normal as it can get for us.

* * *

There IS one thing I enjoy, but I wasn't going to tell Winery that. The weather is perfect, and her uniform isn't bad, specifically when the breeze picks up enough. **(A/N: Ed you have a dirty mind!)**

We finally made it to the school; just the sight of it sickened me. Al and Winery dragged me over to the group that would be going to Central. The teacher in charge got up and made an announcement.

"Alright students! I know you all are excited about our field trip to Central Headquarters today, but please remember, you are representing our school. Before we go, I need to address a few guidelines. We are going to be seeing many military officials today so be polite and respectful. Later, there is going to be a demonstration. It looks like a real battle, but do not be alarmed. In case of an emergency, we will relocate to a designated safe area. Well, let's go!"

Ed followed along, bored already. He zoned out after "students" and everyone was chatting about what they hoped to see.

"I want to meet the Flame Alchemist. I heard he is really strong and handsome too," one girl said. She and a few others giggled and continued chatting. Man, even their conversations were boring, but he started listening to one that caught his interest.

"I don't care about a bunch of old men. I want to meet the Fullmetal Alchemist. He is the strongest and helps everyone."

"He is called the 'Alchemist of the People' for a reason."

"Do you really think he has automail? I also heard he can transmute without a circle."

"No way! That's impossible!"

"They say he was in the military at 12 years old. He would be 16 or 17 now. He is our age!"

"He must be really good. I think he could beat Flame's sorry ass any day of the week.

"He also defeated these weird monster chimera things and saved the country."

Edward smiled at the things people were saying about him. It was a little unsettling that everyone knew so much, though. Soon, the girls decided to switch their conversation from Mustang to him.

"I bet the Fullmetal Alchemist is super dreamy."

"They say he has blond hair and golden eyes! That is so HOT!"

"He has the best body too! His automail just makes him that much sexier!"

"I bet he is really tall! Handsome, tall, and strong!"

I could care less about what the girl's were saying, but the guys decided to ask me for my opinion of the Fullmetal Alchemist. I wasn't really sure what to say. "Um, the Fullmetal Alchemist is really strong and cool. I know he can kick that Flame Bastard's sorry ass anytime anywhere! He was the one that saved the country and his brother too."

"Whoa! I didn't know he had a brother!" Shit! I gave away too much information!

"Settle down now class. We are here at the Headquarters. Major Armstrong is going to take us around the grounds, and then we will meet up with Colonel Mustang and his team to take us around inside." Are you f**king kidding me?! Truth and the universe must really hate me because they give me shit like this all the time! We got off the bus, and everything was fine until Armstrong noticed me.

* * *

**A/N: Cliffhanger! I know I am so evil. :p What is going to happen when Armstrong sees Ed? I can assure you of two things, hugs and SPARKLEZ! Hope this chapter was okay! I know I put wayyyy too much angst, but I wanted to make fun of Ed's angstiness (if that is even a word). Ed also curses a bit, and is perverted. He is a teenage boy, though! Fangirls, its time to face the truth, Ed is like any other 16 year old guy. He looks at girls like any other guy. Comment! Review! Flame!(jk) Until next time!**

**Manga-neko signing off! :3**


	5. Just Another Day in the Military

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

Chapter 5: Just Another Day in the Militray

"I AM MAJOR ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG! BASK IN THE GLORY OF MY SMEXINESS!" Maj. Armstrong's shirt rips off and sparkles. The guys back away disgusted. The girls look nervous.

"Excuse me, Major Armstrong sir, are you… sparkling?"

"WHY YES, CHILD! SPARKLING HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN IN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!" He sparkled some more and everyone else sweatdropped.

"Major, would you please put on your shirt? It's making the students uncomfortable." The students were currently huddled behind the teacher.

"OF COURSE! THEY MUST NOT BE ACCUSTOMED TO SEEING A BODY AS MAGNIFICANT AS MINE!" As hard as Edward and Alphonse tried to hide, the Major spotted him in an instant. "DEAR BOYS! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN! IT"S BEEN SO LONG!" Armstrong grabbed the two in a spine-crunching hug.

"We… can't… breath…." He loosened his grip slightly, and Al whispered to him about how they were in disguise.

"THESE TWO YOUNG MEN ARE NEPHEWS OF MINE!" Ed and Al shot the major a is-that-the-best-you-could-come-up-with look.

"But Ed doesn't sparkle."

"Al doesn't either."

"We are actually more of nephews-in-law. Very distant relatives. We don't have the… Armstrong sparkle." _And it's a good thing we don't._

"What Al said." The other students were skeptical, but ignored it for now. Ed and Al breathed a sigh of relief. If only they knew this was just the beginning.

* * *

"NOW THAT YOU HAVE SEEN THE GROUNDS, 2ND LIEUTENANT HAVOC AND LIEUTENANT HAWKEYE WILL ESCORT YOU!" Everyone was more than happy to get away from Major Armstrong. People could only take so much shirtless, sparkly, loud Armstrong that has apparently been passed down through generations.

I relaxed somewhat when hearing about Hawkeye. She would confront me later, but not in front of everyone else. Havoc, however, is a different story. I cringe when he sees Al and me. He is so surprised he stops smoking. His expression twists into one of amusement. "Hey Boss! You giving these kids a tour? Well it is fitting. You are the same age as them." I signaled for him to stop, but he didn't understand. Luckily Hawkeye did.

"Havoc, I think you are mistaken. Let's continue with the tour." Her gun was pointing at his spine.

"OH you're right. L-let's get going then..." They proceeded to go around the headquarters. An unlucky meeting with Falman and Breda threatened their cover, but Hawkeye's stratigic placement of her gun took care of that. Fuery about lost an eye when he said hello to Ed.

"Man, we are coming too close for comfort." They thought they were finally finished, until Hughes made an appearance. He breezed past Hawkeye and Havoc and went straight to the two alchemists.

"Edward! Alphonse! It's been a while! Haven't seen you around much, you just get back?" I froze, but Al pulled through.

"General Hughes, we just returned a few days ago. We were able to start _attending school_ again. We are not able to come by except during _breaks, _remember?" I loved Al then more than I had all week. Too bad Hughes was lost in his own little world to notice.

"I just got my latest pictures developed! My new album is entitled _Fullmetal Alchemist: Office Days _you want to see? I've got a bunch!" Roy chose that moment to walk in, and I thought I was saved, but no, the bastard decided to completely blow our cover. He was the one who insisted on it in the first place too!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fulmetal! What ARE you wearing?! Hughes get the camera! This is better than a military uniform!" On that note Hughes did indeed start taking multiple photos. The others he was holding before now were being passed around by all the students. These showed Ed and Al before the promised day.

One showed Edward and Alphonse on the train, Ed in his normal clothes, Al a suit of armor. Another showed Ed performing alchemy to turn his arm into a blade. More included Ed arguing with Mustang, Al with kitties in his armor, Ed sleeping and Al carrying him, Ed fixing Fuery's radio, Ed hiding Havoc's smokes, and Hawkeye threatening to shoot them.

I was thouroghly pissed now. I clapped my hands and transmuted my automail blade. "YES! I am the Fullmetal Alchemist! Now SHUT UP before I kill you all!"

* * *

Now that it was pointless to stay in disguise, Ed switched his school uniform for a blue military uniform, which was slightly better than the school uniform. Hughes still managed to take photos of him in it and was now mentoring the EBFC and the group some guys formed FMAFC(FullMetal Alchemist Fan Club). He made a mental note to murder Hughes after this. Or burn his pictures. Whichever was easier. He glared at Mustang, and then started ranting.

He was yelling so much, no one could really understand any of it. It sounded like "WHOURNDJSOAGUGAHUANDUHISGFUIJDJHFHDISOSHKHJHAJKMA KINUFHGBYDIGOTOFREEWAJUNGKUEHSSVCJILLJBYIURHDIOSGD HJSKAIGKILLLYOIYUOANFSTABUWIFBADERTYJHUGFTYHKJHBGH FHFHJGYUHGIU FUCKING BASTARD!"

Alphonse and Winery left twenty minutes earlier, and Hawkeye was trying to keep everyone under control. The other officers were cowering in fear, but most were running around screaming like their hair was on fire. Some people's hair was really on fire. It was complete chaos.

In short another day in the office with a ticked Edward Elric.

* * *

"Well Fullmetal, it looks like you haven't changed a bit."

"Bastard! What did you expect! That place was just a complete WASTE of time! I will NEVER GO BACK!"

Edward and Colonel Mustang had been going at it all afternoon. Their shouting match was one of their longest arguments.

"You have to go to school somewhere. It is the law. You can't go back thetre, though. It seems you are too dangerous and violent. Did you really have to scare all those kids?"

"I'll only go somewhere where the students are not wild crazy animals! Those kids were wimps! If they couldn't handle that little bit of discipline, they are in for a rude awakening."

"You know, I think I have a school where you will fit."

Edward wasn't sure about the look in the Colonel's eye, but anything _had_ to be better than the other school.

"Alright, let's hear it."

* * *

**A/N: Woot! I finished this chapter in awesome time! I tried to make his revalation as humorous as possible. Everyone ended up giving it away. BTW, I can totally see Ed as a really really REEEAAALLLLYYY short member of the Armstrong family. Well, minus the sparkles. It's a good thing he can't get me at my computer! (I would be dead after the short comment :p) This would have been a good place to finish, but I think people might hunt me down because the ending SUCKED! Instead, Ed is going to a different school. Readers, NOW it is YOUR turn! Where should Ed and Al go to school next? It can be a type of school (normal, boarding, military, etc.) or it can be specific (insert school name here!). If it is specific, include where you got it from (ie. another manga/anime, a book, a movie, etc.) SCHOOL NAMES ALSO WELCOMED! I hope to read your many reviews! See you soon!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	6. You Want Me To Go Where?

Part 2 of Amestris Alchemy Academy

**A/N: Ed and Al are at a new school... again! What is in store for them this time? Setting change!**

Chapter 6: You want me to go where?

Ed stared at Mustang for several minutes, then started to laugh. The colonel was not amused. "Fullmetal, do you think I am joking?"

"HAHAHA! Mustang, sometimes you just KILL me! That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time! Military School! HA!" Ed started laughing again. Mustang's eye twitched.

"I am completely serious. You, Alphonse, and Winry start tomorrow at Amestris Military Academy. I have your uniforms here, and I took care of sending in the necessary paperwork." Ed stopped laughing.

"What! You're serious? NO WAY IN HELL!" Ed was fuming with anger.

"Aww, is the little state alchemist scared of going to school with the big kids?" Ed suddenly stopped. He turned to face Mustang, killer intent filling everyone with fear.

"Listen you bastard because I am only saying this one time," Ed growled. " I AM NOT SMALL ENOUGH TO GET LOST IN CARPET FIBERS! I CAN'T RIDE ON ALGAE IN THE OCEAN, AND I AM NOT A FRACTION OF THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED! You are seriously pissing me off!"

"You still have to go. I expect you to be #1 in the class since you are technically a major, even if you don't look like it." Ed's glare turned murderous.

"You f***ing bastard! I hope you are damned to hell for all eternity! I'll be there laughing as your skin melts and your bones turn to ash. The faces of those you murdered in the war glaring at you from afar, paradise being so close yet so far. I may be an atheist, but I am certain this will be your fate. Forever being burned, how ironic for the Flame Alchemist. May your body rot in hell and your soul slowly and painfully crumble until nothing is left. You do **anything** and I swear to curse this upon you. If you piss me off, I'll piss on your grave." Ed stormed out of the room, a wake of darkness trailing behind him, striking fear in all who crossed his path.

Everyone in the office felt the room temperature drop about 20 degrees when Edward made his... speech. They were all dumbstruck, frozen in fear. "B-Boss, I don't think you should get him any angrier. I could see the fires of hell burning in his eyes, as if he were death himself." Havoc was unnerved, and his fellow officers stood in stony silence. Even Riza kept fingering her gun, jumping at the slightest sound.

"You all are acting like children. Fullmetal can't do anything to hurt me." Mustang tried to put on a brave mask, but his darting eyes gave him away.

"I wonder if this has anything to do with the strange black notebook Brother found last week in the graveyard when we were lost.(1) Probably not." Alphonse hurried after his older brother to calm him down before anything bad happened.

"Okay, now I'm worried!" Mustang called the school and told them to prepare for three new students that start the next day. "And whatever you do, don't comment on his height! ... or lack-there-of." With this he slammed down the phone and proceeded to join the others hiding under his desk. "Damn..."

Meanwhile, a certain blond alchemist was contemplating what to write in this book. Alphonse finally caught up and was trying to catch his breath. "Ed... you can't ... kill them..."

"Why can't I?" Ed gripped the black book. Al glared at him.

"Brother, if you don't give me the book, I'll tell Winry you were messing with her automail again." Ed's eyes widened in fear. Grumbling, he reluctantly handed it over.

"Thank you." Al flipped through the book, only to find it mostly blank. Looking at the cover, he gave Ed a confused look. "What the heck is a death note?"(2)

Ed shrugged. "Beats me."

**A/N: Another chapter done! I'm sorry to say this is not one of my best chapters, but I felt like I owed you something. Sorry its so short, but I promise to get another out soon! Ed, Al, and Winry's 2nd school is military school! Ed will be disciplined... maybe ;D  
Thanks to all you who reviewed! About the DN reference, I saw a picture on devainart and loved it! I had to include it somehow. Sadly the death note "mysteriously disappears."**

**(1): I bet you know what this is!**

**(2): You guessed it!**

**Thanks for reading! Same as always read, review, blah blah, I don't need to tell you this! Ah, well until next time!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	7. A Major at the Academy

_**Amestris Alchemy Academy**_

Disclaimer: No own! (My grammar is the most bestest!)

**Chapter 7: A Major At the Academy**

"2nd Lieutenant, I have a new student to enroll in the academy."

The secretary didn't even look up. "Certainly, name and age."

"Alphonse Elric, 15-years-old; Winry Rockbell, 16-years-old; and Edward Elric, 16-years-old."

The secretary dropped his pen and looked up at Mustang. "D-do you mean _Major _Elric sir?"

The Colonel smirked. "The one and only."

The 2nd Lieutenant looked scared now. "But sir! He is a Major! He outranks everyone here!"

Mustang snickered. "That doesn't matter, Fullmetal is coming to school here and that is final." He walked out the door.

As soon as he left, the 2nd Lieutenant lost conscience on his desk, knocking over the "secretary" sign.

"Fullmetal, you're signed up and ready to go." The Colonel was enjoying himself a little _too_ much.

"I will get you for this! Just you wait!" I was still severely pissed at the bastard Colonel.

"I don't tink I can wait that long. Maybe when you finally finish school, you'll be able to look me in the eyes." Mustang snickered to himself, but he made a fatal mistake. He turned his back to me after calling me short.

- one painful and very graphic beating later -

"Edward, have you seen the Colonel? I have some paperwork for him."

"Oh, hello Hawkeye. Yeah, I saw the bastard a bit ago. He's over there somewhere. Can't miss him."

Hawkeye walked over to where I pointed. "Ed? The only thing over here is the victim of a rabid bear attack, at least I think it is. I'm not sure what else could cause this much damage..."

"Oh that's him alright! Call me short does he..." Hawkeye wasn't sure if she heard the last part correctly.

"Remind me NEVER to comment on your size." I smirk.

"You got it."

* * *

"You three must be the new students! Put these on and report to the barracks! Boys in 1-4! Girls in 5-8! MOVE!" When I went into the main building, a giant guy yelled this at me. Great first impression.

Mr. Muscles (my new name for him) threw a bundle at each of us. "I think these are our uniforms..." I was NOT happy about the uniform requirement. Hell, I would wear the blue military uniforms before this!

Nevertheless, the three of us go in separate areas to change. Al and I are finished first, and I can gladly say he looks as bad as I do. Green pants, green jacket, white shirt, and black combat boots, and to top it off(literally!), a green hat. Because the uniform had no gloves, my automail hand was also in full view. This is just freaking spectacular. I was seriously about to transmute my arm into a blade just to tear the sleeves off, but Winry came out and made me stop.

I look over at Winry to see if she has the same uniform, and I stare. Whoever created girls' uniforms must be a god, and I'm an atheist! Her jacket was cropped, letting her white shirt be seen. Her black combat boots came up to her knees and her skirt fell just right. Winry was the sparkling oasis after hiking through the hot, dry desert.

"Ed I swear, if you do anything to your arm, you'll wish a wrench is all I have!" The realization dawns on me. With access to a wider range of weapons, Winry could end up being the next Hawkeye. I pale and hide behind Al.

Winry turns and storms to her barracks. When she is gone, I come out from behind Al. "Brother, why would you use me as a shield? I'm not just some wall that blocks Winry's various projectiles!"

"Sorry Al, I know she won't throw anything at you. Well, she at least won't throw anything dangerous at you." Al glares at me and storms off as well. Well my day is off to a wonderful start...

* * *

Believe it or not, the rest of the day wasn't exactly a walk in the park. I finally make it to my barracks, number 4, and analyze the people I would be spending the next year or so with. They don't seem too bad. A few are playing cards, some are reading, and one or two are sparring. When I walk in, everyone stops. One of the bigger guys that was sparring walks over and stares me down.

"New kid, tell us your name." I've already made a friend! (not really) I sigh. This is really becoming quite tedious.

"Ed Elric," I mutter.

He sneers and shouts to the other guys. "Hey, new kid's name is Eric!" They all nod and resume their earlier activities.

I was about to correct him, but he started talking again before I could. "Listen Eric, you're the new guy, so we have to find your rank." Rank? What the hell is he talking about?

"Whenever fresh meat arrives, we have a tournament to decide your place. You got that shrimp?" I restrain myself from beating his ass to next Tuesday, only because I know I can get my revenge in his little 'tournament.'

"Alright, you got yourself a deal." I sneer back at him. This will be the most fun I've had in a while. My craptastic day is finally starting to look up. These fools are about to learn lesson number one about Edward Elric, I don't take shit from anyone.

**A/N: Ed is so very perverted sometimes, but then again, aren't we all? I had fun writing about Ed meeting his new "roomies." HA! They thought his name was Eric! Look at you, Ed, making friends already! The next chapter is going to be a lot of fun to write. - insert evil laugh here - The poor guys won't know what hit them! In case you were wondering, craptastic is not a real word. I made it up a few years ago after a very craptastic day. All you worried about Mustang, don't worry! He's still alive! Edward made sure not to kill him. (if he's dead, the Colonel can't do paperwork :p) I'm not sure if I should have Ed grow, or keep doing short rants... Well, until next time, peace out!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	8. Midget-man: King of Kicking Ass!

_**Amestris Alchemy Academy**_

Chapter 8: Midget-man: King of Kicking Ass!

"Okay Eric, you have to spar with us one by one. You'll start with the weakest and work your way up. Match ends when someone forfeits or knocked unconscious." Man this is too easy! Most of these marshmallows couldn't take teacher when she's blindfolded with both arms tied behind her back!

"First match Begin!" The kid runs at me with a tiny fist. Honestly, his form is pathetic and he has no power. I step to the side, grab his fist, and kick his legs out from under him. Honestly, I feel bad for doing this. I can tell he has no desire for fighting. Reminds me of Furey, more suited with technology.

"Winner Eric! Next match Begin!" This match was similar to the last. I can tell these kids were pressured into this, so I go easy on them. The next two matches are the same. Honestly, I am glad I can finally go against real fighters. This is where the fun begins!

"You may have beaten the first four, but this is when it gets serious! Let's go!" This guy definitely has a lot more skill than the others. He runs toward me and throws several quick blows. I dodge and use a powerful roundhouse kick. He reads my move and jumps back. Using my momentum I twist into a back hand spring, kicking my opponent in the face. While he's caught off guard, I knee him in the gut and follow-up with a palm strike to his chest. He hits the wall behind him and slides to the floor.

I turn to the others and brush myself off. "That was almost a light workout!" The remaining two glare at me.

"Alright, I'm next. I won't be as easy as the last guy! Come at me!" I accept his challenge and sprint towards him. He prepares to catch my attack, but I sidestep and appear behind him. I strike him in the back and he stumbles forward.

"You aren't any better than the last guy! You couldn't see through a simple feint!" He spins around and and aims a strike at my face. I step back and he follows with several more strikes. I dodge to the side and kick him hard in the side. He gasps for a moment, but manages to land a hit on my face. I fly back and, using the momentum from the hit, jump off the wall and kick him in the face.

"Alright! Boot to the face! At least that guy landed a hit." I face the leader of the group and give him a big smile. "Time for your punishment!" He twitches with anger and doesn't bother waiting for signal to charge at me. I block his hit, but get caught by his counter. I Step back and strike him in the side. He doesn't miss a beat and counters again. I sidestep to avoid his hit and follow with a jab to his spine.

"Looks like you might be a challenge after all." I smirk and hit his chest with my palm. I slip into a ready stance, waiting for his move. He doesn't rush forward, instead he starts to laugh. What's wrong with this guy? He must be crazy to laugh in the middle of a fight.

"You are the first person to actually pose as a threat to me. Imagine, a blond shrimp can fight this well! I wonder if your younger brother can fight this well. He looks pretty weak, maybe from malnutrition? I bet he wouldn't be able to take many hits. That blonde girl you were with is pretty hot too. She looks like she would be fun to play with." His words and laughter are pissing me off. If he is testing his limits, he is going to find himself dead! Forget going easy, I need to teach this stupid ass a lesson he will NEVER forget!

"You can call me short and fight me all you want, but DON"T DRAG MY LITTLE BROTHER INTO THIS!" I strike with speed and force I usually reserved only for the Homunculi. I relentlessly hit him again and again. "And if you lay a hand on Winry, I WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD YOU'LL HAVE A SECOND PAIR OF SHOULDERS! I promise, and I NEVER break my promises!" He sneers at me.

"I can do whatever the hell I want. You're too weak to stop me!" He kicks my stomach and I stumble back coughing up some blood. Damn it! I let my guard down! I growl and charge at him again. I hit him with unbridled fury. I finish with a palm strike to his head and he hits the ground hard. He doesn't get up again.

I walk over to the others and look each in the eyes. "So, are there any complaints about me being the new 'leader' of our group, hm?" They shake their heads and the other two idiots run over to check on their idiot leader. I walk over to the other four from earlier.

They look nervously at each other. "Hey, you four remind me of some other guys I know. If you want, I can keep those idiots over there busy. So tell me about yourselves."

The four breathe in relief. The smallest one spoke first. "Hey, I'm Stephen Burke. I'm good at building and fixing things. I want to be an inventor and create things to make life easier for people." He ran his hand through his short brown hair and smiled sheepishly.

Next was a kid with glasses and spiky blond hair. "I... um... my name is... Mark Himmel I'm good at... coming up with plans... you know, strategies and tactics..." He tried to make himself seem as small as possible.

A tall skinny Xingese boy with long black hair spoke next. "My name is Kai Zhang. I work with explosives." He sat back and looked me straight in the eye. Not a man of many words, and I'm glad he's on our side.

Last was an Ishvalin boy with white hair and red eyes. "I am Arron Miles. I specialize in weaponry. Swords, knives, staff, spear, bow, anything at all." He must be related to General Miles in Briggs.

"Okay, I think we have a pretty good group. We have everything needed in the military." A mechanic like Furey, a strategist like Hughes, a sharp shooter like Hawkeye, and a fighter like Havoc. I'm the leader of this group similar to... the Flame bastard. I twitch in annoyance.

"Eric, what are you good at?" Arron asks me. I think a moment before answering. I can't let them know I am a state alchemist, but I can still say I know some alchemy. They know I'm good at combat. First, I need to get this name issue straightened out.

"My name isn't Eric, it's Edward. Those idiots over there must be deaf and stupid. You all know I'm good at combat, but I also studied a bit of alchemy." I look at each of their reactions. Stephen is amazed, Mark looks... scared, Arron looks curious, and Kai looks... indifferent. Not what I was expecting, but it will work. That night, our alliance was formed. Maybe this school won't be complete torture.

**A/N: I know this chapter took FOREVER to write! I just couldn't get it to sound right. I finally decided to have Ed form a group similar to what Roy did :) I hope I wrote the fight scenes well. I am always unsure how to write it out. I can visualize it, but using words is harder. Try to play it in your mind like a movie and maybe it will work out :/ Ed got pissed at the last dude and just about killed him! Remember, Ed will kill you if you do anything to the people he cares about. (Look at what he did to Father O.O;) I had no CLUE what to do for names, so the names suck. If anyone has better names, please share them! I hope this chapter was as good as you hoped! Thanks for all your support, I love reviews, but not as much as Ed!**

**Ed: Why is that?  
Me: When people review, you get a bit taller.  
Ed: YOU PEOPLE BETTER REVIEW! IF YOU DON'T, I WILL FIND YOU AND BEAT YOU SO HARD YOU'LL HAVE TO SIT ON YOUR FACE!  
Me: . . . Okay then, you should probably review... Until next time!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**

**Ed: YOU BETTER REVIEW! Me: (-.-;)**


	9. Classes, aka the 7 Rings of Hell!

This chapter is dedicated to Enima333, I loved your review! I hope you enjoy this chapter! :3

Chapter 9: Classes, aka the 7 Rings of Hell

What did I ever do to deserve this kind of torture?! I thought classes at the last school were useless! Here they are worse!

"Edward, explain what sparked the Ishvalin War." You have GOT to be kidding me! Our first class is Hostory of Amestris! I should be teaching this class! I created half of Amestris's history!

"The homunculus Envy, who is a gender confused palm tree that can shapeshift, shot a kid." Everyone looked at me like I was batshit insane.

"What the hell kind of answer was that? I want a serious answer!" Shit, I forgot I'm not supposed to reveal that I know that stuff.

"Fine, some dude on our side shot a child. The Ishvalin's were pissed and fought back."

"That's better." The class dragged on and my head soon hit the desk. When it was time to go, I was out of there faster than Ling running from border patrol.

Circle 1, complete. Only 6 more to go.

Second period was USELESS! Tactics and Strategy, I know they are important, but I mostly operate on one main plan: "Rush in and kick ass!" Al is the one who does the thinking and planning. I solve problems through action.

Our assignment is to construct a plan when faced with a certain situation. Mine was the following: "You are hiding in enemy territory. Supplies are low and your fellow soldiews are POWs. There are three guards, two of which are trained assassins and one is a combat master. You have a flash grenade and a gun with four bullets left. A security camera sweeps the perimeter. It will take 7.6 minutes for backup to arrive once spotted." I ponder this for a moment and begin to write.

_Toss the gun at one of the guards, instant KO! Flash bomb the other two and take advantage of their blindness by pantsing them! Free the others and proceed to beat the shit out of anyone stupid enough to challenge me with my amazing combat skills. Smile for the camera and and write 'Pwnage level: FULLMETAL!' and make my dramatic exit. Celebrate my victory by sharing my awesomeness of taking out the evil dudes (victory dance optional). Get promoted._

Satisfied with my plan, I looked around to see if anyone else was finished. Looks like only a few were, including Al and that Himmel kid. I was proud of myself! I didn't even need to use alchemy in my plans. Edward Elric is a master of all trades! I spent the rest of the period drawing out my awesome plan, complete with an illustrated storyline. When the bell rang, I jauntily strolled out of the room. Screw strategy, I'm Edward Elric!

2nd circle, pwned!

When I saw what was our next class, I resisted the urge to slam my head into a nearby wall, repeatedly. Discipline and Conduct, you have GOT to be kidding me!

"Recruits! I am 2nd Lieutenant Harrison Smith, you will adress me as your superior. In this class, we will review how to adress those of higher rank, and what is appropriate for your rank!" He scanned the room with an air of confidence. His confidence, however, shattered upon reaching my gaze.

"M-major Elric! What are you doing in this room?" He was freaking out over having a student as a higher rank. It was pretty funny.

"I think you must be mistaken, I am a student here like everyone else, 2nd Lieutenant." I smirked at his trepidation as he continued with his explanation.

"For this class, you each will be assigned different ranks. Everyone on this side have the rank of an unseated officer. This group is equivalent to a 2nd Lieutenant, and this group a 1st Lieutenant. The remaining are ranked as Majors or State Alchemists." I chuckled to myself at his grouping. He made sure to include me in the State Alchemist/Major group.

"You will begin a mock scenario when approached by one of the following members. Begin." I laughed when I saw him dart out of the classroom like a scared mouse.

"Lieutenant Alphonse, how are you this fine day?" I jokingly ask my brother.

He replies with a smile and an overdramatic salute. "Sir, it is a fine day to be a dog of the military, sir!" We both laugh out loud and, at the sound of the bell, head to our next class. It sure was fun messing with our teacher. Too bad he will find out about my current "suspended" status.

3rd circle, over and out.

Our last period before lunch was one of the more dreaded ones, Firearms and Shooting. I really hate guns, they are used for one purpose, to kill or maim. If I have to spend time getting familiar with those damned killing machines, the military may find themselves with a significant increase in scrap metal and decrease in firearms.

"You runts are going to learn about firearms and how to use one. You in the back, define what a gun is in your own words." I sighed, why do teachers get a kick out of choosing me to answer such idiotic questions?

"Guns are killing machines created by the devil to increase the overall death rate. They are used to ruin people's lives and tear families apart. They are the world's response things that save people's lives." Everyone stared at me, I shrugged. He said "in my own words," and I'm pretty sure the dictionary has something else.

The teacher looked like he was about ready to prove my theory and shoot me right now. Too bad there isn't a "pissing people off" class, I would ace it for sure!

4th circle, death by killing machine

After an... interesting lunch, we go to our after afternoon classes. Now we have Technology. I don't really need this class, I'm more of a get it done by my own power kind of guy. We are given a lecture about the different technology used throughout the years. I used my time to sleep stare at Winry. The only good thing about these classes is that she is in all of them with me.

When given a broken radio to fix, Winry is finished seconds after getting hers. While everyone is distracted, I fix mine with alchemy. Needless to say, this class was uneventful. The only ones paying attention were Winry and Stephen. Everyone else was lost or asleep. I was having an awesome dream about being giant and crushing all the little midget Mustangs.

5th circle, system overload!

"Weapons and explosives can mean the difference between life and death. Any object found laying around can be a deadly weapon in the hands of someone experienced." I knew that thanks to Winry and her giant-ass wrenches!

We were split into two groups, weapons and explosives, and set to work on finding a suitable weapon or creating an explosive. Thanks to my background in chemistry and alchemy, explosives were easy. Take the basic composition of dynamite and tweak it a bit, and you have one hell of a bomb.

When it came time to show what we accomplished, Winry was able to deliver a killing blow using none other than a wrench, of course. Al created an explosive that released some sort of smoke that made everyone within range start acting crazier than Hughes about his daughter. Arron demonstrated fourteen ways to kill someone using only a spoon, and Kai created a chain of explosions that would have made Kimblee cry out with joy.

When I detonated my explosion, I obliterated some city called "Atlantis", or something similar. I wasn't too worried since there wasn't anyone living there.

6th circle, nuked.

The last class had to be the easiest one yet. Code Making and Breaking, something I have been doing for as long as I can remember. We had to come up with a code for a certain message. I decided to have fun with it. The end result was satisfying.

**Edward's Code:**

**If the fuzzy apples are square when they hatch from the mountain on the 32nd day of February, then the river is baking strudle bikes with senile, squishy chickens. After the stars drink the frozen watermelon, the grass yells at the robot python from under the cows on the burning clouds of sand.**

**The Message:**

**The enemy strikes at midnight. Meet at the lighthouse and prepare the ambush.**

7th circle, hit the pen cap with the laughter of evil puppies (finished).

**A/N: This was a fun chapter to write! I have no clue what kind of classes they have in an actual military academy, so I made some up! ^u^ Don't try to figure out the code, I don't understand it much myself. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! This is for you Enima333 ;) See you soon!**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	10. Exams: Time to Show Off! Part 1

**7-21-13: Attention, first few chapters have been edited! You don't have to read them, but you can if you want. It won't effect the story overall, only the first 3 chapters. I think I did a good job, they are really funny! (check out ch. 3 ;p) :3**

Chapter 10 - Exams: Time to Show Off! Part 1

After suffering through the same schedule for a month, the others and I found ourselves with a new problem: exams.

"Exams are so troublesome! Studying is useless, you either know the stuff or not. If I knew it would be so much work, I wouldn't have bothered coming." I was glad Mark finally got past his aloof personality from before. He finally had no problem voicing his opinion, however, we found that he is probably the laziest person in Amestris! I doubt anyone could be more unmotivated than he is!

"Look on the bright side, we can show everyone what we can really do! If we pass these exams, we are one step closer to getting out of this god forsaken place and joining the military ranks. I don't know about you guys, but I want to show everyone how awesome Stephen Burke really is!" He dodged a book Mark threw at his head.

"Knock it off! You're too loud. Some of us are trying to actually study. Do any of you even have a plan for passing?" Leave it to Arron to be the voice of reason. We all thought a moment about actually planning what we were going to do.

"Explosions." The four of us turned and gave Kai a look of disbelief. It was the first time he spoke all night. I took a look at what he was planning for each test.

"Um, Kai? I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure you can't burn your test paper. I think that's an automatic failing grade." If Stephen even thought he would fail, Kai has to change something.

"Do not underestimate the power of a perfectly timed and executed explosion. It is an art." The four of us just backed away slowly and continued our studying.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to wing it. It hasn't ever failed me before! I've always turned out fine!" I looked at each boy's skeptical face.

"Really? It's never failed you before? What about that fight with the guy who ended up having a brother?" Aaron was talking about my Lab 5 experience. I didn't give them details on my different fights, but I did tell them about some of the situations I've gotten into before.

"Yeah, and there was that time you said your arm broke half way into a fight," Stephen chimed in.

"Ninja girl." Even Kai was contributing?!

"Let's not forget about the run-in with -"

"Okay! That's enough! You all have proved your point! I'll study, okay? Sheesh! Get off my case!" The four shrugged and we continued through the night. There is a reason the word dying is in studying.

* * *

I stared at the top of my paper. There was only one question for the history exam, and I was about ready to copy Kai and just light it on fire.

_Describe one contributing factor of Amestrian military that has allowed it to prosper throughout the countless skirmishes._

How did they expect me to answer that?! I can't just say we won because it was all a plot the homunculi and Father concocted to create the world's biggest Philosopher's Stone! They weren't doing it to make it into the book of world records either!

I sighed and began to write. _The state alchemist branch was what won most of the wars. Starting in the Ishvalin war, alchemists used their awesome skills to force everyone to surrender..._

* * *

The Strategy and Tactics exam was almost worst than the first! We had to come up with solutions for five different scenarios and describe our plan of action. I look over at Mark, who is asleep with his paper filled out. Damn lazy genius, he finished after the first ten minutes! If he ever joins the military, I have to have him play General Grumman in chess. He is like some sort of tactical expert. I look at each scenario and start writing down random ideas.

It doesn't matter if they make sense or not, the enemy isn't going to give you time to come up with a strategy! When I fought the homunculi, I couldn't plan stuff! You can't just say, "Sorry Envy, can you wait like 10 to 15 minutes? I have to plan out how I'm going to win." If you did that, you would die in three seconds. I really need to speak to the higher-ups about the crap they are teaching the future soldiers of our country.

* * *

I. Hate. My. LIFE! We spent the last hour showing all the different formations and marching patterns! During our firearms examination, I might "accidentally" end up shooting our instructor in the leg. Bastard.

Arron, Kai, Mark, Stephen, and I relished our lunch break. After our morning of torture, anything had to be better! As we got our lunch, I noticed five people I hadn't seen before. "Hey, who do you think those people are?" The others shrugged, so we went over to investigate.

The five new students were an odd bunch. There was a guy with dark hair staring at the clouds, a guy with blond hair in a ponytail that covered one eye, a girl with brown hair in buns, another kid with wild blond hair and... whiskers, and a kid with black hair and orange goggles. They were the weirdest kids I have ever seen.

The lazy guy spoke first. "New people... troublesome." I sweat dropped. He and Mark would definitely hit it off, in fact Mark was laying down next to him.

Aaron was talking to the single female of the group. She had been sharpening weapons and were absorbed in an in-depth discussion about the weapons. If those two get together, the kitchen is going to be missing their knives.

I look over to Stephen and Kai, but they have left too. Stephen and cat-man are arguing about whether technology benefits a battle or not and Kai was in a corner with the blond ponytail guy. I hear "explosion" and "art" a few times and see the weird guy give Kai some suspicious looking clay he randomly had. I don't know where he got it from, but I don't want to know where he was keeping it.

I was about to leave before things got crazier, especially Kai and clay-dude, but was stopped by the last member. "Hey, you have to get me away from these people! They're insane!" I was about to comment on his sanity, but decided against it.

"So, what's your story? You seem like the only sane one of the bunch." The kid snorted.

"I am the sanest one! I just happen to be skilled in combat and come from a family of prodigies." I can relate. By the time we make it to where Al and Winry are sitting, I found that I have a lot more in common with him than I initially thought.

"Al, Winry, this is my new friend Tobi." At the end of our break, I went to find the others who had an interesting lunch as well. I waved good-bye to Tobi and for a moment I thought I saw his dark eyes flash red. I blink and his eyes are back to normal.

"I swear, this place is driving me insane." My suspicions of being delusional were later confirmed when the five mysterious new students seemed to have disappeared. "Yep, I'm going crazy."

**A/N: Exams are here for Ed and the crew! Similar to the classes, each will go in order. I wanted to shake it up a bit, so I made this chapter a mini-crossover. Cameo appearances from Naruto characters! I thought their personalities matched with Ed and the others. It was just for fun, so they probably won't show up again. I am so happy that people love my story! :') It makes me so happy! I LOVE YOU ALL! :D I hope this chapter met your expectations! If not, TOO BAD! Well, thanks to all my super fantastical reviewers! RetroMonkey, nyx, SpenstarianCreed, Musa1992, pokemondude61926, 69AnimeFreak69, PhantomKnight102, hitty-chan, Guest, littledarkangel9797, Siari, Emina333, Piper-inu26, FwooshEye, and DreamerRenuki! 15 reviewers and 33 reviews! Thank you so much for making this my most popular story ever! YOU ROCK! XD**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


	11. Exams: Time to Show Off! Part 2

Ch. 11: Exams: Time to Show Off! Pt. 2

**BANG BANG BANG BANG**

Yes, we are in the middle of our firearms exam. As much as I don't like guns, I have to admit it felt okay being able to take out my anger.

**BANGBANGBANGBANGBNGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBAN GBANG**

Who am I kidding? It is freaking awesome! Shooting is a great stress reliever, when it's not people. I have to admit, it was a bit unnerving to have everyone watching me. Then again, I was shooting rapid fire at the target. Oh the poor target, it almost makes me feel bad for completely demolishing it. Almost.

"Okay! That's plenty! It is obvious now that you can shoot a target. Repeatedly. Without mercy." I grinned and tossed the weapon of mass destruction back t the proctor.

"Geez, I thought I liked guns..." The others nodded in silent agreement at Kai's statement.

* * *

I swear, I thought I was going to have to restrain Winry and Stephen. They almost passed out from excitement. Winry was fangirling over her newest automail. Stephen was positively gleeful at the thought of getting to work on his precious projects. Why am I always stuck with the weird ones?

Our exams instructions were _so incredibly complicated!_ Haha no. Seriously, if people were having trouble, they don't need to be in the military. Chances are they will end up blowing up themselves and others around them. The room was filled with miscellaneous scraps of metal and machine parts, and tools. The board had two words. **Build Something.**

Well, this should be easy. I go into a corner and throw some pieces together, clap, and bam! Instant toaster! I see that Al made a suspiciously familiar suit of armor that _moved_. Winry made automail that was dangerous enough to destroy 2 cities, 76 cars, 4 trains, and a flock of sheep. Stephen made... something. I couldn't tell what the heck it was. It looked like a black box. No one else was sure of it either.

"Stephen... what is that?" Stephen smirked and patted his creation proudly.

"This, my friends and... other people, is a moving picture display box. I'll show you how it works." He fiddled with it for a few minutes and the box flickered to life. A few people backed away in fear. "If you look into the screen, you can see a moving picture. I looked in. Sure enough, it showed a deer walking in a meadow.

"How the hell does that even work?!" I couldn't understand how it was doing this. Everyone crowded around to look. The teacher, who finished looking over the other projects, came over to look. When the hungry lion decided it was time for a meal, everyone, myself included, backed away. "Man, that thing is disgusting!"

A few students formed a circle and started chanting something about black magic. It was finally time to switch and everyone was anxious to get away from the demon box from hell. Stephen seemed a little upset no one appreciated the "glory of his genius creation." I pat him on the shoulder and told him to look on the bright side. "At least it didn't blow up!" A loud boom behind us proved me wrong. "...Never mind."

* * *

This class I was a bit wary of. Weapons and explosives. We had to use the objects in the room to create a lethal weapon and explosion. I'm pretty sure I saw Arron pick up a spoon, a highlighter, and butternut squash. I shuddered at the deadly weapons he could possibly make. He once made a flamethrower from a paperclip and some string.

Kai was the other to watch out for. He had some white clay, a bunch of small screws, and lemon juice. I checked to make sure I was wearing my explosion proof armor under my clothes. I sighed in relief when I realized I remembered. Kai is probably the biggest pyromaniac I've ever known, including Mustang. He almost blew up half of Xing experimenting with dental floss and a feather.

In the end, we all had fairly big explosions. Mine took out 40 acres of desert. Kai's turned the dessert between Xing and Amestris into solid glass. Weapons were less flashy, but just as lethal. Arron a big ass gun that had the explosive capability to destroy the Earth three times over. Along with everything in a 4 billion lightyear radius. He assured us it wasn't live, but I'm not taking any chances. Winry made the scariest fricken death wrench in existence. That thing STILL haunts my nightmares. Shudder, Truth with a death wrench is something I wouldn't wish on even Father.

* * *

Final exam was Codes. I knew I had this one in the bag. No one has ever cracked my code. **EVER.** Everyone beside me scribbled furiously we had to come up with three codes. I wrote my three and knew they were perfect.

_Ed's Codes (exam):_

_1. Tell troops to return to base and wait for back-up._

**_Green mice prancing on cotton-candy clouds catapult flaming mayonnaise with neon tennis rackets in the Arctic volcano._**

_2. Attack at full force._

**_Fuzzy lemons snuggle spicy laser-shooting zombie bunnies._**

_3. Command all units to set up ambush on 27-32 enemy soldiers carrying at least 4 rounds each._

**_Peach Cobbler._**

* * *

**A/N: WOOT! A new chappie! ^u^ Sorry for the long wait, I was stuck in several places in my stories. Writing short stories for fun got the creative juices running! The exams are complete :D What will happen to Ed and his team? Why are you asking me? Why the heck would I know?!  
. . . Right, I'm the author. -.-" Anyhow, I just wanted to thank all the loyal fans! You make this my most popular story eva~! Thanks for being so freaking awesome! :)**

**Manga-neko signing out! :3**


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